Making (and losing) Friends

We upgraded our accounting software at work to the latest edition today.The upgrade required me to contact customer service and, like most, I literally cringe any time calling customer service is needed.  Regardless, I put my big-girl pants on and called.  To my surprise, I was connected with one of the most funny, smart and charismatic people I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. The total upgrade took just under 3 hours since our company file was so large. However, my rep made it feel like it took 15 minutes…tops!

Her name was Hannah Jo and she lives in the Philippines with her mom and brother. She just graduated, but the only work she could find there was a night job at the call center. She likes Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. Her favorite cartoon character is the Minion from Despicable Me, and she drew a picture of one for me remotely. She enjoys the bar scene and playing baccarat at the casino.

We had lunch/dinner together and chatted like we had known each other for years! When the installation was over, I truly felt like I was saying good-bye forever to a long time bff:( Good looking out Hannah Jo, there aren’t many people out there that can avoid my bitchy rants and impatience when it comes to tech calls, you truly deserve a gold sticker!!!!

Hand drawn Minion art courtesy of Hannah Jo.

On the flip side: Last night did not go as well.   I went to my friend, Chrissy’s house with the intention of working on marketing material for our small side business.  That turned into a complete bust.  Her dog ended up biting our other friend, Melissa’s son.  Then, my best friend of 20 years, who I haven’t seen in almost 6 months, also stopped by in the midst of the dog bite drama.  He looked like hell.  He has battled, off and on again, with addiction to miscellaneous drugs throughout the past 5 years and last I had heard he was clean…Wrong-O!!!

I will be the first person to admit, I am no saint.  I have had my fair share of partying in my younger days and have done things that I am not so proud of.  However, I thank God every single day that I was not cursed with an addictive personality, thus saving me from the evils of drug addiction.  I hate drugs.  I hate what drugs have done to so many people I love & care about.

It was only 6 months and I barely recognized him when I answered the door.  Who was this person with the stubble-covered sunken in cheeks?  What happened to my clean-cut, charmer of a friend I once had?  He looked frail and dirty.  I knew instantly he was using again.

I didn’t want to make a scene in front of my girlfriends, so I decided to just ignore the elephant in the room and talk to him later, in private, about his obvious condition.  This plan pretty much went to hell in a hand basket somewhere around my 3rd glass of wine and his 45th minute of twitching endlessly at the kitchen table.  Constantly mumbling some gibberish and  nonstop itching, jumping up and down, moving the chair back and forth.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I flipped.

I scolded him in front of our friends.  I yelled at him and called him out as if I were the parent and he was my teenage son who just got caught sneaking out of the house after curfew.  I embarrassed him.   I was so wrong in so many ways, but I just couldn’t hold in my anger or disgust any longer.  How could he show up here like this?  How did he think I would react?  Did he think I was stupid and wouldn’t notice???

With all the drama of the evening, we called it an early night around 10.  I cried my eyes out the entire drive home.  Partially because I felt guilty for calling him out in front of everyone, but mostly because it broke my heart to see my dear friend like that and to not be able to do anything to make it better.

I sent him a text this morning apologizing for my outburst and letting him know that I would not be a part of his life if he continues to use.  I just can’t deal with the lies and the sneaking around.  The same scenario runs through my head over and over again; getting that phone call, that dreaded phone call, telling me he finally OD’d or was found in an alley somewhere dead.  Call me weak, call me selfish, but I will not stand by and watch someone I love slowly kill themselves.

Am I wrong?

Workplace Karma or That Time My Coworker Sharted

Whelp, it has finally happened. The day I’ve dreaded, yet known was inevitable for the past 3 years: My male coworker SHARTED in his pants.

I felt kinda bad for the guy. It just happened out of nowhere. There were no warning signs.  He was just sitting there at the afternoon meeting taking notes and minding his own business, then BAM….he messed himself.

The fact that he got about 6″ air off his seat when the implosion occurred made it sort of impossible to deny the source of the raw sewage stench that followed. Needless to say he was quite embarrassed, especially when everyone was running from the meeting room, gasping for air and gagging.

Now, I must explain in further detail as to the reason I only feel “kinda” bad…This guy has a few medical issues and has been advised by his Dr. on what foods that he is should and shouldn’t consume. Well, I’m pretty sure that two big macs and a large fry is not on the list of foods he should be consuming.  But hey, what do I know?  I’m no doctor?!?

Regardless, everyday at lunch this poor chap swings on through the drive thru of a different fast food joint only to suffer self inflicted bouts of diarrhea in the afternoon. Like, what do you expect dude??? That and he has played the same f’n Katy Perry song on repeat since 9:30am! I guess karma really does exist….my hats to you Karma, touche!